Dear (the last person who commented on a thread you started),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery (or nunnery, since girls don't generally join monasteries)
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The Mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbor Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

__________________
On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

I'll be back with my decoder.

__________________

LOL.. did you type all that or copy and paste?

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

Dear PantyFanatic,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but You're a pervert. I think I realized it When your dwarf bit me In your camping car, and I saw you Pour syrup on Manchester United's goalkeeper. I'm sure you're Masochistic enough to understand That I'm allergic to your hamster. I'm returning Your Darth Vader-poster to you, but I'll keep Your neighbor Martin as a memory. You should also know that I Get sick when I think of A passionate interest for mice.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
GreenChef

Dear GreenChef,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your sister. I think I realized it Last year Under the bus and I saw you Carve your initials into My avocado plant. I'm sure you're Mongolic enough to understand How awful I've felt. I'm returning Your ring to you, but I'll keep Your mom as a memory. You should also know that I Always wanted to hate the Boston Celtics.

PS
Greetings to your frog Leonard

PantyFanatic










(how the hell can they not have in #11? )

__________________

Dear Panty Fanatic,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a pervert. I think I realized it when I saw the shrunken head in women's clothing, and I saw you sit on my John F Kennedy statue. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that there is no solution to this. I'm returning your memories to the military service to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about hating the Boston Celtics.

Greetings to your freaky family,
gekkogecko

__________________
On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

Dear gekkgecko,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but the Mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I threw up outside of Chicago and I saw you ignore Donald Duck. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand how awful I've felt. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your oil stocks as a memory. You should also know that I never liked the incarnation as an eskimo.

Greetings to your frog Leonard,
Dicksbro

Dear dicksbro,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but You're a pervert. I think I realized it That night Under the bus and I saw you Sit on My John F. Kennedy-statue. I'm sure you're Ashamed enough to understand That Extreme Home Makeover sucks. I'm returning The couch cushions to you, but I'll keep Your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Told in my confession today about A new life as a clone.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
scotzoidman


(so far nobody wants to vacation in Egypt, I've noticed)

__________________
Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.