1. My greatest achievement by age eleven was being able to belch the national anthem
2. I was in a very mediocre new wave band in the early 80’s
3. I have appeared nude on stage in the theatre
4. I have, as promised last year, posted my bits in Pixies
5. I have no interest at all in material possessions, but I do love driving my very fast car
6. I have been a supporter of things green and Amnesty International since I was a kid and out of principle would not live in a country that practiced the death penalty
7. I am a graduate of one of the most famous universities in the world
8. I am a great but quiet admirer of several of the ladies here
9. I am slightly psychic
10. If there is a god, she’s going to roast my arse

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Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.