Lube that hard boy up with the wd40 and get back on here girl. Don't make me duct tape your ass to me. :D

:D



over cooked pasta????

WD-40 so it will slide down easier.


zipper will not stay up

duct tape that sucker up.


Hungry and you don't have any money.

Duct tape...use to to make your fingers even stickier...then steal someone's wallet


Avoiding a stalker?

Make a duct tape screen so he/she can't see me, spray ground behind me so he/she slips and breaks his/her ass and then if all else fails break their kneecaps with the hammer...

Reading when the power goes out?

spray WD-40 on the duct tape, then hammer a piece of flint to make sparks over the duct tape for a fire.

putting the book out because you got it too close to the burning duct tape?

Use a hammer to put out the flames.


Bored now that my book is destroyed.

use the charcoal to write your oswn book on the back of duct tape.

how to clean hands after hadnling charred duct tape?

Use wd40 to clean your hands.


I need a snack but can't open the jar of green olives, what do I do? :(

Hammer to break the jar...duct tape to put the jar back together when you've had your fill.

You lost the remote to the TV...again.

Bang hammer on coffee table to get females attenton, when she finds the remote she duct tapes it to your forhead and spays the wd-40 all over you so you slide off the couch and find the dam remote yourself!! :D

Cell phone battery died.

Beat it with a hammer. Your sick of it dying in the middle of your phone sex chat. :D


I'm out of town and don't have any of my sex toys with me, what shall I do?

wd40 up that hammer handle and go to town girl. :D


My car won't start.

fold duct tape over and braid it into a rope. hook one end to the front bumper and the other end to a tow truck and tow that piece of s**t to the shop. :D

Your computer has a virus.

Hammer. There are so many days that i want to smash my PC because it is acting up so i'd smash it and get a new faster PC

The water pump seized up in my minivan.

WD-40. If something stops, and you want it to go, you should always use WD-40. besides I like the idea of pumping massive amounts of WD-40 through a water pump.


Control freaks. Too many control freaks taking over the lives of my friends.

WD-40. Let 'em slide on by. :)

Weather stripping on our car is starting to come loose. :(

You're thinking duct tape, right? But I'd opt for the hammer. Knock out the windows, beat the roof till it falls off, then you have a new convertable and don't need to worry about weather stripping! :p

Toilet keeps running when you flush it.

Duct tape to make sure the water's turned off and stays that way. May get smelly, but that's what deodorizers and open windows are for anyway. :)

Kitchen range hood is dirty.

You clean it with WD-40 and reupholster with duct tape.


Cable went out and you have no reception.

well after you've thrown the hammer through the TV and fixed that with the duct tape. then you WD-40 the cable-end Connectors.



The Webcam wire is loose and it won't stay in one spot on the desk without sliding

Duct tape that pesky cable exactly where you want it.

A spouse/SO who constantly leaves lights on in every room of the house.

hit them in the head with the hammer until they understand!




its time to fix that rickety step

Use the hammer to pund the step in, and then spread the step in WD-40 so anyone who complains about the squeaky step....won't be around long. :D


Out of coffee filters in the mornign?

Use the claw end of the hammer to first put small holes in strips of duct tape which can be laid side by side to serve as the filter. Note, the hammer can also be used to quiet any complaints about the odd grounds that sneak through the holes. The WD-40 can be used to lubricate the floor making body disposal easier. :)

The ash tray is full.

Duct Tape...just sticky it all out until it's clean


Your boyfriend forgot to call (grrrrrrrrrr.....)

Tape his mouth shut with duct tape so the neighbors won't hear his screams when I whip his ass with the hammer handle. :D

Your lawnmower deck is broke and keeps falling down.

hammer to be sure to break it real good to buy a new one

Your head board squeeks

cover it with 3 layers of duct tape.....it may not stop the squeeking but it will give some padding for other things :D......if it still bothers have sex on the couch :D



that damn cd player isn't working properly....skipping and not always closing.

Hammer ... beat it to death and get a new one.

Flat tire

WD-40. You need it to loosen the lug nuts so you can swap in the spare.

Pesky ex.

Duct tape to shut him up and if that doesn't work use the hammer.

Broken Coffee cup?

Duct tape is the obvious answer, although a case could be made for the hammer if your goal was to eliminate the evidence.

Mice?

Calls for the hammer. No compromise.

Drafty fireplace.

Duct tape should take care of the problem.

Broken window?

Hammer....nail the thing shut or knock the rest of the broken glass out of it. Either works.

A leaky faucet?

Have to go with duct tape.


Stuck bolt on sink.

Well, WD-40 of course. Duct tape won't do shit for it, and if you hammer it off, you have major replacement problems.

Stubbed toe on bookshelf.

Duct tape for toes and hammer for the bookshelf. lol



Leaky radiator